it might just all be a facade

Sunday, July 29, 2007;

♥ 7/29/2007 07:38:00 AM

But i dont get it
Why arent we even friends>>

I went back fairfield for farewell 07 on friday. Man, that sure brings back alot alot of memories. (:
Seeing how the current Secs run about, trying to get things organised and done made me remember farewell 05. My batchmates and i were running round the whole school, up and down the stairs getting things done. And of course, that terrible rain which spoils our 'dinner at skybridge' plan, making us have to rush to place all the tables and chairs in the foyer.
Seeing how the current ncos dressed up and chitchatting excitedly made me remember how the few of us meet at my place, before setting off to school tgt. (: How we dressed up and start walking around the school. How we 'hide' behind the GO and was never found, in the end having to come out ourselves. Haha. Good ol' memories. (: If only im using my old com now, i'll definitely start posting the pictures up! :D
But yeah, farewell 07 wasnt that bad. (: I get to meet up with people whom i haven seen in ages, esp my dearest saleha carissa simon and brandontan! <3> Oh ya, brandon's still as cuckoo as ever. (: Ugh, the whole exco is almost present, cept for nirma xf and yx. ): Nevermind! Im sure we'l get to meet up again, someday. (: (: (:
I'll post the pictures up!

Brandon Me and Carissa, at the place where Contact Time is always held.
From right, Yuliang carissa brandontan and i!
Carissa, Me, Saleha.
(: I love retarded moments when we're tgt.
Picture perfect! :D
Okay! i so have to post this picture up. YULIANG ACTING CUTE! xP
Oh ya, chanel was sick. ):
Simon Carissa Saleha and I outside RCY room
Brandon said to cut of Carissa's tongue. (:
Half of Brandon gone! :D
We love our crowns.
Flowers!

I love seeing old friends. I love being back in that same ol' familiar environment. And i love hanging around with good ol' friends in the same ol' familiar environment. (: It doesnt take long before you realise i hate changes huh? :D
Dear Brandon, Carissa, Saleha, Simon, Chanel (okay, not so for you. I see you almost regularly for redcross!), Yuliang (this is so not for you. I see you in sch everyday!). You never know how much i miss you guys, and not forgetting those missing exco members on fri. (: Though it was less than a 5hr gathering, but hey. i truly enjoyed each moment with you guys. You guys are the best! :D We MUST meet up soon and often okay? The whole exco. (: We still have the swensens meal! <33>
And the night ended off nicely with carissa and i walking home, like when we were still in sec school.

Had to go school for maths today. =l I literally dragged myself out of bed. ):
Met Joleen on the way, and i walked in with her. Maths was alright, just that i was struggling to keep myself awake. Ugh.
Went off for lunch with the guys after waiting for what seems like a century.

And then, my mask fell off. I had my true bare emotions right smacked at my face. I tried hiding them back, and wiping them away. But they wont budge.
But hey, i felt so relieved for a moment. Im not pretending and im not acting. Im just really being wenfang for that short busride. My heart doesnt feel that heavy for that moment. And it seems like, im really being true to myself, and to everyone around me.
I like/hate that feeling. I hate those i-dunno-isit-true-or-fake concerns from people, asking if i were alright. But i enjoy those true moments to myself.
Mm, in people's impression. I always have to be the one, with those stupid smile on my face. I have to be the one, who's always ready with jokes to cheer people up. I have to be the one who appears to be so brave, and strong, and not be bothered by anything and everything. But hey, who actually seriously cares? Who actually bother finding the true me, thats hiden beneath so many fake masks? I do get affected with things that comes along in my life, and screwing it up in some way or another. I do get affected by how you act, and how you actually mislead me. I do get affected by in fact, everything and anything. But, no one cares. Are my masks that convincing to make people believe that im actually feeling how i appear to be? =l
Right, maybe people around me are all with masks, all not being true to one another. And maybe that the very reason, why it seems that everyone's so fake and unreliable, and that you can never seem to be true to any soul.
Dont worry, if you're not used to seeing me in the manner that i'd acted today.
Cos my masks are ready, and i'll be back to that person y'all know.

tell me what i saw isnt real
cos it hurts me, so very much.
hey, let's have a deal
hurt me no more, please;

&maybe things will be fine after awhile.

Friday, July 27, 2007;

♥ 7/27/2007 06:04:00 AM

If you want a man that is here to stay
Swearing he's forever true
I'll never walk away, i'll never give up on you
And if you want a love that will save the day
No matter what youre going through
I'll never walk away, i'll never walk out on you>>

I made this during maths lecture today.

Why did you turn around and face there?
I though love was euqal and fair.
Why dont you like me as much as i do?
Goodness, im like some stupid fool.
Your actions confused my feelings,
I wish love has more meaning.
But daring, why dont you turn back?
I love you, thats the very fact.
I'll wait for you, til the sun goes down.
I'll wait, til the breaking dawn.
I wish for you to change your mind,
Cos yknow, once you return, i'll be fine.
Rmbr those moments we shared?
Those times, when we truly care?
See that retarded smile on your face?
Sometimes, you go into a daze.
But hey, thats how cute you are.
And i like, just the way you are.
We were happy this very moment, now.
But the next, my face has a frown.
Why dont you make up your mind?
It's hard lying to myself, i find.
I tried convincing myself, its all true.
But then, i'll start calling myself a fool.
I though you felt the same way, really.
Then i think it's jsut my wishful thinking,
seriously.
I need you to stay and time to
freeze,
Then maybe, love wont be so hard,
it'll be a breeze.
If only 'if onlys' were
true.
Then i can stop, this dumb love
flu.
To end, i jsut wanna say
I'll wait, til the very last day.
<3>

but i lingered on, dear;

&maybe things will be fine after awhile.

Thursday, July 26, 2007;

♥ 7/26/2007 06:36:00 AM

I dont wanna feel the way tat i do
I just wanna be right here with you
I dont wanna see see us apart
I just wanna sat it straight from my heart
I Miss You>

I wish i had the answer to every doubts, the key to every door, and the courage to do everything. Then maybe, life wont be this tiring and horrendous. Then maybe, my lie will have the slightest bit of joy. Then maybe, life will have more meaning.
Why wouldnt time freeze when you're at the highest point of your life? Why doesnt the time at least, slows down so you could enjoy that happiest moment for just a mere few more seconds?
Haven you realised, that whatever happens in your journey of life, nothing else actually change? Even if you just suffered from the greatest setback of your life, the world just simply refused to stop turning, and the things around you act as though nothing has happen.
And thats sad. Cos it makes it seems like youre all alone, without any souls to accompany you. ):

its a shame that we're worlds apart;

&maybe things will be fine after awhile.

Sunday, July 22, 2007;

♥ 7/22/2007 09:40:00 AM

I wish i could tell you im feeling btr everyday
And it didnt hurt me when you walk away
But to tell you the truth i cant find my way>>

I completed my second draft of EoM! :D
And yeah, im declaring my hatred for PW yet, once again.

Being nice, i accompanied my friend to buy harry potter book. (:
My one good deed of the day.
Is reading the harry potter storybook that nice? I never tried before though. Soon soon. When i get my hands on my aunty's one after my CTs. :D
Oh yeah, i watched this gruesome movie. The Condemned.
One word: Gruesome. (with a captial 'G')
Oh yeah, i gave my seat on the train up to this indian old lady.
My second good deed of the day. (:

Headache, please go away! ):

and each night i taste,
the purest of pain;

&maybe things will be fine after awhile.

Saturday, July 21, 2007;

♥ 7/21/2007 05:56:00 AM

Everybody got smth
They had to leave behind
One regret from ytd
That just seems to grow with time>>

Im feeling disturbed and frustrated, both emtionally. ):
And i cant find the right words to put my feelings across.

Yknow, recently ive been finding life's a burden and i dont exactly have any joy in my life.
Is it about school? I dont know. But i know that im getting used to school already. Getting used to the fact that ive to wake up at this time, leave hse at this time to catch the bus, attend my lectures and tutorials, and then leave class almost immediately to hang around with the fairsians in school.
Is it the changed environment? Is it the different people? Is it the loved ones that i lost along the way of growing up? Is it the pain that ive gone thru, thru the journey? Is it you who chaged so much?
Or is it just simply me?
I find it so tiring having to put on different masks when im at different places. Having to put up one which states 'oh-wenfang-is-a-happy-girl' when im in class, to show that im hey, actually involved and having fun in class. Having to put up one which states 'hey-it's-time-to-be-strict' when im having redcross. Having to put up one which states 'no-im-not-sleeping' when im having tutorials/lectures.
And it's so tiring that sometimes, my masks just dropped one by one, leaving nothing but my bare naked true emotions on my face. And that is : h e l p l e s s .
How much longer do i have to bear with those fake masks? How much longer do i have to wait, til i realised the meaning of joy? =l

The different people around me makes it difficult for me to open up my true, bottled down feelings. I cant remember the last time i really open up my heart, and have a heart-to-heart talk with someone. I cant remember the last time i pour out my troubles and ended up crying. I cant even remember that last time, me having a nice chat with anyone.
Nothing likes to be left on that dirty shelf, alone. Nothing likes to be bottled up and kept somewhere for a gazilliong years. And no one likes to be left alone, without a listening ear, and a companion to walk with til the end.
I lost that pair of listening ears that once belonged to me. I lost firm shoulders which once belonged to me. I lost that reassuring handgrip and hug that once belonged to me. I even lost a true soulmate, who once stood by my very side. It's true saddening, to have almost everything you could wish for, and then poof! You lost it, all.
Human nature aint it? When youve got the things you asked for, you arent thankful for them and you often take the for granted. When one day, you find yourself being left alone, and all the things you once had lost, you will beg for their return, cos you finally realised their worth after so long.
But hey, it's too late. Far too late.

To have it all
And let it slip away;

&maybe things will be fine after awhile.

Friday, July 20, 2007;

♥ 7/20/2007 06:19:00 AM

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know
Its your heart you cant trust
There's a reason why people dont stay where they are
Cos baby, sometimes
Love just aint enough>>

Bad headache. ):
Im getting headache quite often lately. Ugh.

I just had a good laugh, even though im in the midst of my very stressful week. (:

zx: you look so funny in that pic.
zx: you look like a racoon.
me: WHAT?!
zx: u dunno whats a raccooon?
zx: look at my dp
zx: quite cute what
zx: lol
me: haha. no, as in. what on earth makes you say tt
zx: yours specs.
me: HAHAHA!

AND
IVE YET TO WATCH HARRY POTTER. ): ): ):

there's still so much i dont understand
there's still things you must explain;

&maybe things will be fine after awhile.

Thursday, July 19, 2007;

♥ 7/19/2007 08:00:00 AM

It's the hardest thing i'll ever have to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending i dont love you>>

Hello earthlings. (:
I literally 'rush-ed' thru my sat and sun. ):
I woke up at bout 7 in the morning on sat, and went down to yewtee to meet chanel, who was late! :D Then we made our way down to ri. We were already the late, and the size and confusing directions of the school wasnt of much help either. =l
So, i was under admin/stage stewardess. Haswani ma'am and i were like , oh noo! Now go up stage isit? ... :D
Okay, few hiccups here and there, and its my first time takin up stage stewardess position! Ha, but still, experience gained! :D
After the ceremony, Haswani maam and i rushed to change out of the uniform and we were off to the mrt station!
I rushed down to bb mrt, to get smth from sarahrahrah before rushing home to bathe and stuff.
Next, i rushed (again) down to school for OD. I rushed down there just to hear, the gathering time was 8plus. UGHHH. ):
Bummer.
Anyways, OD was alright. Other than the ridiculous fact that practically all the 'sai-kang' workload was on 07S07. ):
Some of us completed that fifty laps thruout the night and din sleep. Haha! When our duty at the registration booth and everything started, all of us were falling asleep. :D
We all left at 9 plus, Beeping huifang weelat bryan and i went BK at TP HUB for lunch. I was so freaking sleepy! I finished my burger in record time and fell sound asleep on the table. And in front of me is stupid bryan whos ever ready to play that stupid game with me. Haha!
Retard.
Reached home at 12plus. Bathed and unpacked. Slept til 5. :D
And the next day, it's a monday and we had school again!
So horrible! In other words, im having school for a continuous 12 twelve days!

On tues, my class was having this really interesting discussion during GP.
And we were posted this question by the tutor, 'Are you happy with your present life?'
Oh my G, definitely not. ):
I made this on the way home that day.

"On this lonely bus ride home,

With myself, on my very own.

I cant help but stop to ponder,

Why doesnt my life have any wonder?

I detest my present life.

Oh please, someone, get me a knife.

Oh god, end all this shit.

My life; i so hate it.

Everything's breaking apart i swear,

And my heart, it's starting to tear.

All my tears caught no attention,

Im now, in a state of confusion.

Emo; i know thats how i sound,

But hey, thats because i was never found.

Abandoned and left behind i was,

The hope given to me were all false.

In my life, 'youre' all i lack,

and i just want, my old life back."

When my hands are tied

and my heart's not free;

&maybe things will be fine after awhile.

Thursday, July 12, 2007;

♥ 7/12/2007 06:23:00 AM

Why you so like that
Why you so like that
You said you want chocolate
I give you my kitkat
But when you get my chocolate
You never give me back
Why you so like that
Why you so like that
You said you dont like pretty girls
You dont like kitty cats
But when you see a pretty girl
You wee and wee like that>>

And ive been irritating almost everyone who walks beside me to class, who sits around me during tutorials/lectures, and even ppl on the phone with me, with this cheer. :D
Eh! Cute okayyy. (:

Anyways, dont you just love it when it's raining monkeys and gorzillas outside, with lightings and no thunder (thank you). Then the wind is so darn strong. AND youre actually in your oversized teeshirt, in your cosy bed, with your nice big warm blanket and your fave softtoy. (:
Man, that is the best. (:

why you so like that;

&maybe things will be fine after awhile.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007;

♥ 7/11/2007 06:32:00 AM

Rain outside my window falling down
What now youre gone my fault i sorry
Feeling like a fool 'cos ive let you down
Now it's too late to turn it round>>

Horrid!
I walked out of the CR5 all the way to the canteen with my skirt wet, and i looked like one retard who incidentally peed onto my skirt! ): Tell me, how embarassing is embarassing?
Horrid!

Aaron and i just ended a 'tricking game'. We see who can trick the other one, into believing that that person couldnt go for the china trip. (: Ha, asshole. He started it!

Anyways, this is to mke someone famous :
Bryan Chuang, from 07S07.
(Photo not available)
Description: Although he is only 17 yrs old, he has an old man living in him. (:
He's not too bad a gentleman. And he's considered the most gentleman guy in the class. (Let's just face it. Gentlemen are being endangered.).
Bryan might not be good looking, but he has inner beauty. He might not be smart, but hey, he isnt dumb. Mr Chuang might not be fat, but he definitely isnt skinny.
BUT now, he seekin my help in getting him a girlfriend. (:
So people, if youre a girl or guy or gay or les or freaks or what so ever. As long as youre interested, just drop me a msg! (:

AND Im super sorry for being so naggy and irritating. But, i really really dislike PW. ):
And im so super stuck in my EoM. D: D:

why wouldnt you just turn around
so we can give each other one more chance;

&maybe things will be fine after awhile.

Saturday, July 07, 2007;

♥ 7/07/2007 07:21:00 AM

其实我非常爱你不想失去你
难道我没有权利说我不愿意
你给了他的吻
虽然只有余温
可知道我多渴望抓住你的心
我知道他很爱你你怕他伤心
我每天假装开心害怕你离去
可不可以任性
求求你不要去
藏在我心里
最后一句其实还爱你>>

Let me share with yall my affinity with the number '7'. (:

This is year 2007. (Okay, like whatever.)
Im in redcross volunteer batch 07/07.
My pae pjc og is og7.
My pae pj class is 07S25. <33>
My jae jj og is og7.
My jae jj class is 07S07.
Tmr's 07/07/07. (Haha! So whatever.)

I like this picture! (:
Okay, i was being an ass.
Interact club installation.

Anyways, im not in a happy mood, but im not in a bad mood. As in, im definitely not feeling happy, im not feeling angry or irritated. Maybe just a little sad. But i'll be alright soon. (: Cos ive absolutely no right to feel this way. =l

cos i really thought you felt the same way;

&maybe things will be fine after awhile.

Monday, July 02, 2007;

♥ 7/02/2007 08:32:00 PM

I used to think
I had the answer to everything
But now i know
That life doesnt always go my way>>

I had my most filling dinner last night at ps, with guozhong evelyn and chanel, after yoss. And it's really nice just to have a simple meal with afew of your batchmates and start chatting. :D And yeah, discussing bout blogs. Btw, gz's nice! He's one of the few guys who would accompany girls go shopping, enterin the shops with the girls, without any complaints. (: Haha~
And oh today, i had my most filling lunch at great world city, 'Say Cheesecake'.
Oh no! ): Im such a pig, and im growing so fatttttt.
Time to go easy on those delicious food!

Pictures!

Having duty with my cousin, at suntec city! Oh yeah, i had a tan after standin under the morning/afternoon sun for two whole straight days. Ha!
I
was out on a date with szemian one day during the hols, at orchard. We stepped out of taka, and got a shock when we saw bikes flying around in the sky! Haha! :D But, its really cool.

And today, my grandmother, mummy, bro and i went down to Great World City to surprise my uncle. :D
We went 'Say Cheesecake'. :D

This's my uncle! <3>
It reads 'Y H Chua. Executive Chef.' :D
Knowing i love creamy soup, my uncle got 'Mushroom Cappuccino ' for me. And 'Laska Chowder' for my grand and mum. We had another dish, which i cant rmbr.
Main course! They had two 'Terriyaki Chicken Baked Rice', one 'Curry Seafood Baked Rice', while i ordered that last picture. Haha, i cant rmbr. But it's filled with fries, soton, fish and chips, prawns. Yummy!
We were so full by the time we finish one Baked Rice and half of my basket of seafood. But we decided not to give the cheeskcake a miss, cos those were prepared and designed by my uncle himself! So he got us, 'Rapsberry Cheesecake'.
Heavenly!
I swear we were all so darn full after that meal. Just look at my bro's tummy for evidence! Ha!
HAHA!
But seriously, the food was really good. :D

1 Kim Seng Promenade #01-22 Spore 237994
Operating Hours (Mon-Sun) 10am - 10pm
(T) 65 67332272 (F) 65 67351911
(E) saycheezecake.com (W) www.saycheezecake.com

Oh no, tmr's youth day and im having pw meeting. ):

all i need is time;

&maybe things will be fine after awhile.